Today I’m going to attempt to answer the age old question: “If there’s some drama in professional golf, but no one cares, does it actually exist?” When I was asked to write about the golf drama between Tiger Woods and Sergio Garcia, I was all
And then I was all
So, let’s talk about this. Sergio Garcia was being a big asshole and told everyone how we was going to win the Players Championship, and then didn’t. Okay, first off, don’t be a dick. I don’t care who you are, if you tell everyone that you’re going to win something, you’re the LAST person we want to root for. Anyway, when he was interviewed about Tiger Woods recently, Garcia said:
He called me a whiner. He’s probably right. But that’s also probably the first thing he’s told you guys that’s true in 15 years. I know what he’s like. You guys are finding out.
This is what the self-aware whiner look like:
He then went off about how he doesn’t need to call Tiger Woods to clear the air and doesn’t need him in his life to be happy, blah blah blah. At this point, he sounds a lot like a teenage girl. He probably didn’t invite Tiger Woods to his birthday party this year either, which is SO RUDE OMG THERESA!
THEN, on Tuesday, Garcia was asked if he would have Tiger Woods to dinner one night, TO WHICH HE RESPONDED:
We will have him ’round every night. We will serve fried chicken.
Okay…whoa. If he were to say that to me, I would be like “What time?” But, he was clearly making a racist statement toward Tiger Woods. I’m not one to defend Tiger Woods, but that’s fucked. Garcia later apologized and called it a “silly remark” and that it wasn’t meant to come off in a “racist manner”.
Tiger Woods tweeted: The comment that was made wasn’t silly. It was wrong, hurtful and clearly inappropriate… I’m confident that there is real regret that the remark was made. The Players ended nearly two weeks ago and it’s long past time to move on and talk about golf.
Sergio has since apologized again, but now I’m actually tempted to watch golf just to see the junior high death stares that they are bound to give each other. WHO KNEW GOLF COULD BE SO DRAMATIC! It’s like the Real Housewives of Atlanta, but with plaid pants and no booze.
Okay, moving on. Have you guys HEARD of The Herndon Climb?? Hold onto your panties, because they’re about to be blown clean off.
The Herndon Monument climb is the traditional culmination of plebe year at the U.S. Naval Academy. They grease up the Herndon Monument and the plebes climb to the top of the 21 foot high, lard covered statue and remove a hat at the top. They have to replace it with an upperclassman’s hat, for a reason that I neither know, nor care about. At this point, it sounds disgusting, but keep with me. I’ll show you pictures, but first, imagine the men of the U.S. Naval Academy, climbing up a greased monument, with their shirts off. There are also some women, but they are in one piece swimsuits…BORING!
I have no idea why they do this, or who the gay man was who invented it, but thank you. Thank you, thank you! It’s like rock climbing, only you’re no longer a virgin afterwards. I’m also not sure why they removed their shirts…wouldn’t that give you MORE traction to climb a tower of grease? Whatever, I’m not complaining. Maybe they use their boners as little steps? Too far?
*Note: I don’t own the pictures of the Herndon Climb, but I am ever so appreciative that they exist.